Sunday, July 30, 2006

The ONLY thing that should have THAT texture is ACTUAL cottage cheese.

Dear women who obviously have no one who:

(a) has the guts to tell you when clothes are unflattering

(b) cares about you enough to explain how rippley your backside is

(c) will go shopping to "yea" or "nea" your purchasing options

Your pants look bad. Lycra, rayon, silk and polyester cling to your cellulite. It's gross. Not only are your pants too tight, but they're hugging the wrong places. Some people may enjoy women with curves... but they're probably admiring a nice smooth contour of bosom or bottom, not mutiple contours on said bottom.

Get a tax deduction by donating the clothing that you wear, which won't look bad on EVERYONE, but is totally unflattering on you, and buy a three-way mirror and some new eyeglasses so you can make sure your future clothing choices are modest and tasteful.

xoxoxoxoxo

-me

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